Just how much of a minefield is godparenting?

By Becky Pugh Published: 9:00PM GMT twenty-three February 2010

Previous of Images Next Anna Ford has indicted Martin Amis (above) of being a inattentive godparent to her daughter Photo: REX Becoming a godparent throws up most troublesome questions

Frazzled mothers and fathers mostly lamentation the actuality that babies/toddlers/teenagers don"t come with direction booklets. This is, of course, wholly untrue: there are plateau of parenting manuals around. But godparenting, on the alternative hand, unequivocally is a ghastly old minefield.

When your crony bestows on you the deep, low honour of being a godparent, what are they essentially asking for? I"m not certain that even they have a transparent pursuit spec in mind, but probable duties include: babysitting, a lifetime"s immersion of proud presents, career advice, beneficial employment, monetary assistance, unchanging lunches, counselling, eremite direction and an open call in to your gangling room (particularly if you live in London or the Caribbean and the kid doesn"t).

The half-million dollar man

I am gay to be godmother to 3 children, who range in age from dual to thirteen. So far I have finished small some-more than attend their christenings, recollect their birthdays and Christmas, and in utterly energetic years send them each an appearance calendar. I don"t know if that"s enough, but at slightest they all know who I am.

The same cannot be pronounced for Martin Amis, who has been indicted in an open minute to an additional journal of being a inattentive godparent, on condition that godparents national with a total new expansion area for mental disorder and self-loathing.

The former newsreader Anna Ford claims her daughter Claire didn"t even know Amis was her godfather until she complicated the writer at university and asked her mom about him. After that he came to lunch once, says Ford, and "paid meagre courtesy to Claire, didn"t cough up the orthodox five incline approaching from godfathers" and hasn"t been in hold since.

Such are the pitfalls of complicated godparenting. With no transparent lines of expectation, it is difficult to know utterly how to go about the task. Magnanimously, the man indicted of being a narcissist by Ford has taken the indictment on the chin. "It is loyal that I am a invalid godfather," he says. "I will be essay to (Claire) to suggest my apologies and regrets." Better than nothing, I suppose.

Chances are he didn"t wish the honour bestowed on him in the initial place, but that"s his difficult luck. Being asked to be a godparent is, I think, an suggest you can"t exclude your requisite starts the impulse the primogenitor decides they wish you, not the impulse you accept.

However, Jo Bryant, practice confidant at Debrett"s, takes the conflicting view. "If you determine to be a godparent," she says, "you are receiving on a outrageous responsibility. If you think you can"t dedicate to the cause, you should insist why. It is improved to be upfront at the commencement than a bad godparent later."

The purpose positively throws up most a troublesome question. Each time I was picked I think it was essentially since I am a Catholic (which is excellent by me; we all have the specific areas of appeal. Elton John, who has 10 godchildren, is a multi-millionaire with no brood of his own; Prince Charles, who has at slightest 33, will be aristocrat one day). Does that meant my key duty is to have certain these young kids contend their prayers and go to church on Sunday?

Then, as the arch benefaction provider in a child"s life, you have to confirm either you plan to give cool, unsuited presents for that the young kids will love you and their relatives will hatred you. Or do you go for pretentious initial editions that will accumulate dust for years to come?

Also, can you ward off today"s rival godparent-gifting? I outlayed months painstakingly arranging for a little child"s chair to be palm embellished in pinkish and white for my god-daughter"s christening, usually to find that her alternative godparents had set up a certitude fund, put down booze and committed to training her to expostulate one day. And so the feelings of dearth are fuelled…

All godparents would be correct to sense from Amis"s inapplicable designation and try to shape metal a little kind of attribute with the child, not slightest so that if mess strikes they are well placed to collect up the pieces. But until that impulse comes and of course one hopes it never will may be the mandate are some-more candid than they seem.

A crony of cave says: "We simply chose the really most appropriate friends, whom we both love, as godparents for the children. I frequency design anything of them solely to cling to out a bit and may be give them work experience when they are 18."